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CSM Etiquette
Use the etiquette of SM. It's really just a matter of respecting the person(s)
with whom you're playing. You should agree upon a safety word and what you want
to do in a scene before you start the scene. A safety word (or motion) is used
by any partner to stop the scene immediately, no questions asked. There is no
shame in using the safety word. It's there for both of you. You should respect
it and your partner's limits and feelings at all times. Always consider your
partner(s). Discuss interests, pleasures, perceived needs, etc.. If you are
unsure of a certain sexual or SM activity, then hold off until you're familiar
with the safety aspects of it. Find out as much as possible beforehand, so you
can you make a decision about how and/or when to proceed. If you are HIV+, think
about how infection with STDs-or re-infection with HIV-could affect your immune
system. Bow out when necessary. For example, don't deep throat a sore throat. By
being interested in your health and practicing safer sex, you are doing a lot to
help stop the transmission of HIV and other STDs. Always ask before using
someone else's toy. They may not want you to use it, or it may be broken. By
practising the guidelines mentioned here you will be making your contribution to
the community of safer SM players.
Lubricants
Lubricants (lube) can be lots of fun, whether used for play or insertion.
Flavoured brands can be used externally or for oral sex. If you're going to
insert something into someone, you should only use a water-based unscented
brand-like K-Y, Lubafax, Muco, Safer Sex Lube, Astroglide, or Wet. Never use
oil-based lubes (like Crisco or Vaseline); they weaken latex condoms and gloves,
making them more likely to break. Also, during a scene, you shouldn't take lube
from a large container. Either buy small portions and throw the packets away
afterwards or put enough lube for this play time into something disposable (like
a paper cup or plate). Some brands come in pump jars. This makes sure that
nobody's "dirty" hand, penis, or whatever can get into your personal supply of
lube.
Your Rectum
The rectum (ass) is more delicate than most parts of your body and you should
take care of it. Sticking things up your rectum- whether it's a finger, cock,
dildo, fist, or anything else-can tear the lining of the rectum. Even extremely
tiny tears can open up the body and be places where HIV can get in. Fucking
without protection is a high-risk activity, since a penis ejaculates semen
(cums). A penis also has a pee hole in the end, which can let viruses in. Always
use a latex condom, and use it properly. To put on a condom: first make sure the
penis is erect. If it's uncircumcised, pull back the foreskin before putting on
the condom. Squeeze the air out of the tip. If the condom is round-ended and
doesn't have a tip, squeeze the air out and leave 1cm free at the tip of the
penis. Lubricate the outside of the condom really well with a water-based lube
(like K-Y, Muco, Wet, Safer Sex Lube, or Astroglide). Never use oil-based lube
(like Crisco or Vaseline); it can damage condoms. Pull out soon after you cum,
grabbing the base of the penis to make sure the condom doesn't slip off. To be
extra careful, you can start fucking with a condom, and then pull out before you
cum-you can then cum on the chest, thighs, hands, or whatever. If you finger a
rectum, be careful not to finger it if you have a cut or sore on your finger, or
if you have sharp/long nails. You could also use a latex glove when fingering.
As for dildos, make sure they've been cleaned before they go up your rectum (see
the section on cleaning toys).
Douching & Enemas
If fisting, fucking, or dildos are part of your sexual activity, some people
feel it is very important to have a clean rectum or vagina. But douching, or
using enemas before getting fucked, could leave you more open to infection. They
can wash away the surface mucous that's there to protect you. Never share your
douche bag. Clean it each time you use it. Also, don't share the nozzles of
metal shower douches. Get a separate nozzle for each friend, label it, and clean
it between uses (see the section on cleaning toys). Douching or enemas should
not be used after sex, because they don't necessarily wash things away-they can
also push infected semen, blood or faeces further into the body. Infections and
bacteria douched up into a woman's uterus and fallopian tubes can cause Pelvic
Inflammatory Disease (PID)-which could lead to infertility, or worse.
Toys
When you were growing up, your mother probably told you to share your toys.
Well, for sex toys, forget it! Anything that goes into a person's rectum and/or
vagina could transmit HIV or other STDs, if it's shared. Any toy that draws
blood can also be a risk. If you're a bottom, the best idea would be to have
your own toys and get your top to use them on you. If you're a top, ask your
bottom what toys he or she owns. Or, if having sex with various bottoms, you
should assign and mark toys only for them. For example, if you spank someone
with a sturdy wire brush, you're going to draw blood. So, tape the bottom's name
onto the back of the brush-maybe even tape the brush to the bottom's leg-but
don't use it on anyone else. The same applies to dildos, butt plugs, etc..
Cleaning Toys
You'll need these things to clean your toys: * soap and hot water * one part
household bleach to nine parts water * 10% hydrogen peroxide solution What if
you're using a toy on someone and you don't mean to draw blood-but you do? You
don't have to throw away your toy. Wash it with soap and hot water, let it soak
for 20 minutes in the bleach solution, rinse it in hot, clean water, and then
let it dry thoroughly (preferably overnight) before using it again. The same
goes for douche nozzles. Leather toys are a bit different: To clean a leather
toy (like a whip, flogger, or leather dildo), first wash the tips or ends with a
strong foaming cleaner using a hard bristle brush to get at nooks & crannies in
the leather; then spray the tips or ends well with hydrogen peroxide, wipe away
the excess with clean towels, & let them air dry for at least a few hours
(preferably overnight) before using them. Cleaning dries out the leather very
quickly, so your toy should be treated with an acceptable leather conditioner
immediately after it has dried, or it will become brittle and crack. It's a lot
easier to clean a dildo after playing if you put a condom on it before you use
it. If you are a top, you can probably think of lots of ways to make your bottom
put the condom on the dildo. It may sound complicated, but it isn't really; just
make sure any toy with cum, blood, or faeces on it, or anything that's been in
someone's rectum or vagina is properly cleaned. Make sure you get any bleach or
soap off the toy by flushing it with clean water. Remember, unclean shared toys
can transmit STDs-which can affect your whole immune system.
Oral Sex
Oral sex is considered a low risk activity for getting HIV. It isn't that easy
for HIV to get into the bloodstream through the mouth. There have been some
cases of people who were infected with HIV by taking semen (cum) in the mouth,
however the numbers have been very small. Many of these people had problems in
the mouth - like cuts, sores, or recent dental work. No-one has ever caught HIV
by having oral sex performed on them. If you have cuts or sores in your mouth,
this could make unprotected oral sex riskier. If this is the case, play it safe
and wait until everything is healed, or use an unlubricated or flavoured latex
condom on your partner. Condoms will also help protect you from other STDs that
can be transmitted through oral sex. It's also a good idea not to brush or floss
your teeth for several hours before performing oral sex, since this can create
small cuts and abrasions on your gums. Oral sex on a woman (licking, eating out,
going down on your partner's vagina) is a low risk activity for getting HIV -
but you can get other STDs through unprotected sex on a woman. To reduce the
risk, you can choose to use a latex barrier (such as an unlubricated condom cut
lengthwise) between your mouth and your partner's vagina.
Rimming
Rimming-licking someone's rectal opening (ass hole)-is low risk for becoming
infected with HIV, but high risk for the transmission of other STDs (like
herpes, anal warts, and hepatitis A), as well as parasites. If you want to rim,
use a condom cut lengthwise to form a sheet of latex, or use a latex barrier
like a dental dam (more difficult to find). Never brush your teeth or tongue
just before your sexual play, wait at least 3 to 4 hours. Rimming can be very
enjoyable for your partner but always take precautions to ensure your own
saftey-avoid leaving yourself open to STDs. Watersports, etc. Both urine and
faeces are fine on the outside of the body. Urine in your mouth is a low-risk
activity for getting HIV, but with an infected bladder there is a high risk of
catching other STDs. If you take faeces in your mouth, there is also the
possibility of catching other STDs or parasites. Never brush your teeth or
tongue just before playing, wait at least 3 to 4 hours, and never play when you
have cold sores, cankers, or cuts in your mouth. If there are any cuts on the
outside of the skin, don't urinate (piss) or defecate (shit) near the cut(s).
Remember that a pimple (zit) is also a cut.
Fisting
Fists are big things. They can create more serious tears in the rectum or vagina
than most sexual activities. If you get fisted, you're going to have to treat
your rectum and / or vagina very, very carefully. Immediately after you've been
fisted, never let anything else (a penis, dirty dildo, or a finger with semen,
faeces, or blood on it) into your rectum or vagina that might be carrying HIV or
other STDs. Always hold true to this. If you are going to fist, wear latex
gloves. They protect both the top and the bottom. Surgical gloves are the best.
They usually go part of the way up the arm and are good for most fistings. If
you are going to be fisting deeply, use a calving glove. You can buy them at
veterinarian supply stores. Calving gloves can bunch up, though, and the
wrinkles can cut the lining of the rectum or vagina. To avoid this, cut the
finger and thumb sections off the calving glove to leave the glove covering the
palm of your hand, including the base of your thumb. Then put a surgical glove
over the calving glove. Don't fist if your fingernails are long. Cut them and
smooth them down with an emery board, since they can tear the fisting glove or
the bottom's rectum or vagina. If you have an open wound or hangnails on your
hand(s), don't fist with that hand, even with the precaution of gloves. Be sure
the glove stays well lubed while you're using it (see the section on
lubricants). When pulling out (as with condoms), make sure to grab the open end
of the glove so that it doesn't slip off.
Piercing, Shaving, etc.
If you want to have a permanent piercing, make sure the rings or bars are new
and sterile. You might be able to find a doctor or nurse to do the piercing in a
sterile way. If you can't, have it done by or learn from a professional piercer.
Make sure the bars or rings are properly soaked in bleach and then rinsed in
water before they're inserted. Make sure only new sterile needles are used and
then only on one person. If a temporary piercing is part of a scene, make sure
you use sterile, disposable needles. Use them once-only once-on one person. The
dispose of them safely. (See the section on cleaning needles, and disposing of
needles under Drugs and Alcohol). As for branding, heat-branding is safe because
of the high temperatures involved (heat kills HIV). Knife-branding should only
be done with a knife that's been soaked in bleach for twenty minutes and then
rinsed with water. Better yet, you can use a sterile scalpel with a disposable
blade (scalpels can be bought at medical supply stores). Use it once, put it in
a strong narrow-necked plastic container, put the lid back on, and throw it in
the garbage. For piercing, branding, or shaving, any drops of blood should be
wiped away with sterile cotton balls. Soak the cotton ball in rubbing alcohol.
You can also buy pre-soaked separately wrapped cotton balls called "alcohol
preps" or "alcohol rub." After use, put them in a plastic bag, tie up the bag,
and put it in the garbage. When starting a piercing, branding, or shaving scene,
the area of the skin should first be wiped with rubbing alcohol, "alcohol
preps," "Hibitane(R)," or "staphene(R)" to remove any fine dirt trapped by the
skin's oil. Whipping If there's no break in the skin during whipping or
flogging, then there's no problem at all. Depending on the material that the
whip, quirt, or cat-o'-nine-tails is made of and the way it is used, it can draw
blood if the skin is broken. During a flogging or whipping scene, wipe up the
blood the same way you would for piercing or branding, and always clean your
flogger/whips (see the section on cleaning toys). When in a more public forum,
you should avoid breaking the skin, as blood can be flicked from the
flogger/whip during the return of the stroke.
Drugs & Alcohol
If you're into SM (BDSM), you have to keep your wits about you. Mind-altering
drugs like tranquilizers, uppers, or hallucinogens are not recommended. If you
use them, you'll be more likely to make mistakes. Alcohol can have the same
effect. Too much drugs or alcohol leads to unsafe activities. As for "poppers,"
they make your blood vessels bigger. This may increase your risk of infection
with HIV when you get fucked. Poppers are also hard on your heart and immune
system. If you use injection drugs, a very easy way to pass on HIV is by sharing
your needles, syringes, or cookers. Use your own works and never share them
unless they are properly cleaned in bleach and water. To clean your needle and
syringe properly:
1) Fill the syringe completely with sterile water, shake it, and squirt it out.
2) Fill the syringe with full-strength bleach and squirt a little out. Leave the
rest in for 30 seconds, then squirt it out.
3) Repeat step 2.
4) Fill the syringe with sterile water, shake it, and squirt it out.
5) Repeat step 4 twice more. Bleach and sterile water can be obtained from your
local needle exchange. To dispose of your needle and syringe properly: Once a
needle or scalpel is used, make sure the cap is put back on gently and the whole
thing is placed in a strong, narrow-necked plastic containe
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